Register Calendar Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment   Page 2 of 2      Prev   1   2
Noel

Avatar / Picture

High Silver Member
Registered:
Posts: 233
Reply with quote  #26 
heidi459 all good points. It's hard for me to understand staying in a situation you are continually unsatisfied with, but I suppose leaving and taking that risk is hard for them to understand, too. Thank you for giving me that response, though, because it's still really helpful for me to surround myself with others who chose to move on. I have far too much "choose to stay" surrounding me and it's hard to quiet those voices that doubt our decision all alone sometimes. It's really good to hear "back up" from others who took the leap.
0
heidi459

Avatar / Picture

Diamond Member
Registered:
Posts: 5,791
Reply with quote  #27 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Noel
heidi459 all good points. It's hard for me to understand staying in a situation you are continually unsatisfied with, but I suppose leaving and taking that risk is hard for them to understand, too. Thank you for giving me that response, though, because it's still really helpful for me to surround myself with others who chose to move on. I have far too much "choose to stay" surrounding me and it's hard to quiet those voices that doubt our decision all alone sometimes. It's really good to hear "back up" from others who took the leap.


IMO it really is important to learn to embrace risk.  It'll take us places we've never dreamt possible.  The earlier we learn it, the better.  My dd has had so many great opportunities because of her willingness to do things a little differently than everyone else and those opportunities will continue as long as she doesn't let that fear of the unknown get in her way (she's actually making yet another studio change for next year). Please don't second guess yourself.  And remember to never look back.... you're not going that way :-)


0
my2miracles

Platinum Member
Registered:
Posts: 1,125
Reply with quote  #28 
I have a few comments based on others comments:

1. First and most importantly, I am PAYING for a service they provide.  I am the customer.  I do have a right to question certain things.  When I got to the doctor, I don't take everything they say without question, so why would I do that with a dance teacher? Or any teacher for that matter.
2. The problem that I have with dance unlike sports, band, gymnastics, martial arts, etc., I have never seen a list of skills that are required at each level (not saying some studios don't have this but in 9 years of dd dancing at 3 different studios, I've never seen one).  So without feed back it's hard to see why H who sickles her feet and has a major arch in her back moves up when another child who has beautiful feet and perfect posture does not.  While there may be reasons when those aren't shared it just appears that H was moved up because she's hyper bendy and can to the tricks the SOs likes to put in dances and the other child doesn't.  I guess dd's 1st studio eliminated that problem by never moving anyone up.  You started out on 1 team and stayed with that same team until you graduated.  The problem with dd was that she started dance late and ended up on a team with kids 2-3 years younger than her.  Because she was older and more mature, she progressed much faster than they did so staying at that level wasn't enough for her.
3.  To me asking a question is not the same as demanding that little Suzie gets the top placement because I think she's the best.  The biggest issue I've seen with studios is lack of communication.  In many cases, they create their own problems.
0
Rushhourmom

High Bronze Member
Registered:
Posts: 31
Reply with quote  #29 
This is such a great validating thread to read!

I've been involved in a few studios across the country over the years and maybe I'm just unlucky but I haven't really seen one I would entirely trust the process to. They all have at least a few teachers who are partial to a few dancers for non-skill reasons. You can't trust the process when it's well established that favoritism is linked to brown noses parents or what have you.

Likewise I've never been to a studio that didn't have some pushy parents. And as others have said, they ruin it for everyone. I personally am hesitant to confront about most issues I might otherwise bring up because I don't want to be seen as one of the obnoxious ones. When I do bring things up I feel guilty for making their jobs harder knowing they ALSO have to field constant complaints from pushy parents.

Balance is key and balance is hard. At least for me. I let too much go and then sometimes fixate on the dumb thing. But articles like this don't help. They don't invite constructive conversations and opportunities to work TOGETHER because at the end of the day, our dancers' best interests should be the focus of BOTH the parents and staff. When either side insists on having full say and suggests that the other side bow out and leave the care entirely to one side, there's a big problem.
0
PastrySugar

Avatar / Picture

High Bronze Member
Registered:
Posts: 46
Reply with quote  #30 
Im my eye it looks like the squeaky wheel and money bags get all the opportunites and not nessessarily the most talented or hard workers. Just my opinion
0
5678StarMom

Avatar / Picture

High Gold Member
Registered:
Posts: 603
Reply with quote  #31 
RE: the parents who are asking to move up a level or 2. Those are the studios with the most issues. They think moving up a level will fix the issues...but it won't. That's just my observation.

DD14 is the dancer she is today because of her exposure to so many different things and teachers. I realized at age 9 that I could no longer just trust the process with the comp studio. They had what they believed was her best interests at heart, but their idea of what she needed to be was a back up comp team dancer. The solid one, in the back, who could do anything with the group but wasn't the star and wasn't amazing. Ballet is technique only and takes a backseat to performing other styles at this studio. DD wants to be a ballet dancer. So we sought out more training, and turned her focus to ballet, even in the heart of her competitive years. She went to extra classes and intensives and compared herself to more kids than normally stood next to her, and got herself regularly around kids who wanted to be in ballet. She competed ballet solos at traditional comps, and was almost always the only one in the category and rarely placed. She got so much better that the team DT couldn't ignore her and started giving her more features in groups and the hardest groups in spite of what she originally pegged her to be. She hit the top at that studio last year and this year, and there is still some resentment from the main DT for not being what she thought she would be in the beginning, IMO. She outgrew the studio. So, we left. For sure they are cordial to DD but aren't happy about it. DD7 is still there and competing for the time being...she is pegged to be a "star" dancer there and has no desire to pursue ballet at this point...so it's still the right fit for her.

DD14s goal for her wasn't the same goal of the studio. If we were to have trusted the process that the DT and SO wanted us to, DD14 would have never been exposed to more ballet. I would have never known to question the amount of ballet class or the difficulty of ballet. They were not happy when I started reading online and books, and educated myself. They couldn't give us what she needed. Their mission is different. I may have thought that DD was fine and could be a professional based on the training they provided. We would have been sorely disappointed. Luckily a few people started whispering to me that we needed more about age 9 (retired dance teachers, her ballet teacher who isn't well liked or respected at the studio, several people from her intensives and master classes) and I actually decided to research. This forum and BTFD has been exponential in her getting as far as she has.
0
heidi459

Avatar / Picture

Diamond Member
Registered:
Posts: 5,791
Reply with quote  #32 
Quote:
Originally Posted by 5678StarMom


DD14s goal for her wasn't the same goal of the studio. If we were to have trusted the process that the DT and SO wanted us to, DD14 would have never been exposed to more ballet. I would have never known to question the amount of ballet class or the difficulty of ballet. They were not happy when I started reading online and books, and educated myself. They couldn't give us what she needed. Their mission is different. I may have thought that DD was fine and could be a professional based on the training they provided. We would have been sorely disappointed. Luckily a few people started whispering to me that we needed more about age 9 (retired dance teachers, her ballet teacher who isn't well liked or respected at the studio, several people from her intensives and master classes) and I actually decided to research. This forum and BTFD has been exponential in her getting as far as she has.


This.  All of it.  Happens much more often than people want to believe.  We should never allow ourselves to put our/our child's future completely in someone else's hands.
0
prancer

High Gold Member
Registered:
Posts: 848
Reply with quote  #33 
I second 5678StarMom. At our last studio everyone thought if you got to the top level, that must be where the training gets good. Turns out it wasn't any better.
0
Noel

Avatar / Picture

High Silver Member
Registered:
Posts: 233
Reply with quote  #34 
On the flip side... there are the studios that peg your child to be featured, to be a "star" and do just that.... and then what. Your child may have topped out at a studio where, skills wise, they are no where near their true potential. The top at one studio wouldn't get your feet through the door of a comp. team elsewhere. Buyer beware, as hollow as it sounds, with regards to your kid, stands true.
0
prancer

High Gold Member
Registered:
Posts: 848
Reply with quote  #35 
I agree Noel. Being at the top of a given studio does not mean you are an excellent dancer. This should be apparent at comps and conventions if parents and dancers are paying attention. Attending a high quality convention is another good way to see how you compare.
0
BalletMom62567

Bronze Member
Registered:
Posts: 10
Reply with quote  #36 
All of this!!! Our current (soon to be former) studio does the same...just trust us, we know best. Well, I did for 5 years, and looking back there were so many red flags. I will not...ever, ever, ever...just "trust" a dance instructor again. I sat back and played the good quiet dance mom for 5 years never questioning their choices for my DD, and they just took advantage of me and my checkbook. Never again. 
0
Noel

Avatar / Picture

High Silver Member
Registered:
Posts: 233
Reply with quote  #37 
Oh my BalletMom, I'm so sorry. I feel like you could literally be one of the moms I just adored at the old 'studio' based on what you've just written alone.
0
dave9988

Avatar / Picture

High Gold Member
Registered:
Posts: 528
Reply with quote  #38 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Noel
On the flip side... there are the studios that peg your child to be featured, to be a "star" and do just that.... and then what. Your child may have topped out at a studio where, skills wise, they are no where near their true potential. The top at one studio wouldn't get your feet through the door of a comp. team elsewhere. Buyer beware, as hollow as it sounds, with regards to your kid, stands true.


I do see what appears to be kids pegged to be "stars."  It's frustrating.  The fat that in many ways they actually have the ability to fulfill the desire (at least to the extent that the dancer is willing to work & pay), not sure if it's more or less frustrating.

On the flip side ... historically, not all of the successful dancers were "chosen ones."  Some were, yes.  But others scratched and clawed their way through.
0
mochi

Novice Member
Registered:
Posts: 4
Reply with quote  #39 
You can only "trust the process" when you are sure that the coaches and teachers are trustworthy. It's easy to say to find somewhere else but those who live in smaller, more isolated areas may not have many options and may not have had much exposure to what else is out there. So if your child loves to dance what do you do? I have a good friend who was shocked when she moved from a small town to a big city and suddenly her "star" dancer was told she was taught everything wrong. The mom knew nothing about dance and had completely trusted her former studio and ended up feeling betrayed. In her case, she should have done less trusting and more research and questioning. I know that there are parents who are too involved and worried about placements but I think it's perfectly reasonable to have questions for studio owners and dance teachers. 
0
ballerinamom13

Avatar / Picture

Platinum Member
Registered:
Posts: 1,712
Reply with quote  #40 
"So if your child loves to dance what do you do? "
You already wrote it - and I've said this over and over and over. If you are going to spend money, a lot of money, on your child, you should know what you are getting.  Educate yourself and this is less likely to happen.  
0
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation: