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Mumof4

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Reply with quote  #1 
My mum was diagnosed with aggressive terminal cancer recently at only 48 we don't know how much longer she has left.
She has an extremely close relationship to my girls, probably even closer than me. And she has always been a big supporter of them dancing as well as everything they do.
I was considering asking their teacher if they could do a duo for her, maybe lyrical. They know she has cancer but don't know that she is dying.
My biggest worry is at 7 and 10 it is a heavy theme.
Would you consider it appropriate for their age?
It would not be a piece that they would continue to compete (they only do around 5 comps a year). Just a one off for her to come watch.
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peppersmom67

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Reply with quote  #2 
You know your kids best but I suggest you think it through and all the possibilities of what can happen. What if she passes right before a competition? Can they handle it and still go on? DD is 9. In August my husband (her Dad) was in a horrific motorcycle accident and spent 6 months in the hospital. He is now permanently disabled with a Traumatic Brain Injury. We were lucky enough to bring him home and count our blessings he can still see her dance. I would love to see her do a piece on TBI or motorcycle safety but for us that would be years down the road- the emotions attached would overshadow her ability to do the dance. And she's one strong little girl. I know for her, it's not the right time yet. 
So sorry about your Mom also!
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Mumof4

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Reply with quote  #3 
I'm sorry to hear about your husband, glad you got to bring him home.
This is what would worry me. Although if she was to pass they can simply choose not to perform it. No comp piece is set until it's on stage really.
I know they would both love to do something for her. Maybe even if it was not obvious that it was about cancer.
I will talk to their teacher. I just like hearing other mum's input as well. It helps.
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mic123

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Reply with quote  #4 
I'm very sorry to hear about your mother.
Why does it have to be a sad piece about sickness or dying?
Why not a dance of any sort dedicated to, or in honor of their grandmother?
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Noel

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Reply with quote  #5 
I am sorry to hear about your mom's diagnosis. I think I would apply the advice, if you have to ask if it's too much (emotionally in this case) then you already have your answer. That hesitation you are feeling is (in my gentle opinion) your gut.  I think you already have your answer. They can choose some day to dance a tribute to their grandmother to address this entire process, but I think that no matter what they dance, no matter what the theme, their grandmother will simply be happy to get to see them dance one more time. I would suggest you craft the decisions around those things that you know make her happy. Does she just love seeing them tap? Does she have a favorite color for the costume? Does she have a favorite song?
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joriebelle

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Reply with quote  #6 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mic123
I'm very sorry to hear about your mother.
Why does it have to be a sad piece about sickness or dying?
Why not a dance of any sort dedicated to, or in honor of their grandmother?


This is what I was thinking too.  Maybe a dance to a fun piece of music that your mom loves?  A happy song she loves?
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stpierremom

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Reply with quote  #7 
Her favorite song in her favorite genre is what I would do if I were in your shoes.

My girls were 8 and 6 when their grandmother died of cancer at age 54.  It gave my mom such joy to see her granddaughters dancing and enjoying that creative movement.  Let your girls be their grandmother's joy in this difficult time.
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dmjrm4

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Reply with quote  #8 
MY DD did did a dedicated solo for dying Grandma last year.  It was an incredible experience, but so, so emotional. She was 13 last year and I posted our story on DanceMom.com:

My DD just started her third season of competitive dance this Fall.  At the beginning of her second season, SO suggested she do a musical theater solo to "Spanish Rose".  I wasn't excited, but okay.  But then, DD's Nana was diagnosed with ALS, Lou Gehrig's disease, the world's most hideous disease; she was given a short time to live, and her body began shutting down.  SO asked DD if she'd like to do a lyrical solo dedicated to Nana instead.  Yes!  As a family we chose an updated cover to "Wind Beneath My Wings" and watched our daughter learn to be an emotional lyrical dancer, dancing for her beloved Nana. DD competed her solo all year and there wasn't a dry eye in our extended family when Nana got to see DD dance her solo two times during the season from her wheelchair.  In July my DD and I traveled to Las Vegas to go to Nationals. While there we got the call that Nana was getting worse.  The morning of DD's solo, she talked to Nana and told her she was going to dance her solo for her one last time. By my calculation we were we were at Dance Nationals in Las Vegas for 12,240 minutes, but during the exact five minutes my DD took the Nationals stage to dance her solo, Nana left this world to go to the next. Nana knew her granddaughter was dancing in the light for her as she left earth. Her chains were gone, she'd been set free. It felt so divine, and my DD will carry this experience with her forever.  This is my favorite photo from the actual dance.  Best dance experience ever for us.

Dance Nationals in Vegas.jpg  


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Mumof4

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Reply with quote  #9 
Thank you so much everyone for your input and also for your story's.
I will definitely be taking your advice. Something happy and full of hope will be a better option, dedicated to her of course.
I think I know it would be heavy. Maybe something to revisit as they are older if they choose.
I really appreciate the input x
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Mumof4

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Reply with quote  #10 
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1tinydancer
I'm sorry to hear about your mom. Yes, I think it's too heavy of a subject. Have them dance a happy dance for her. I'm sure your mom would rather see them smiling.

Also, just trying to wrap my brain around how young she is and how young you must be. Your mom is not much older than I am and she has grandkids already? I could not imagine me with grandkids. One day, but not now.


I guess we are lucky we where both young first time mothers. She was 22 when she had me so she is 22 years older than me, I am 26 my oldest is 10 so I was 16 when I had her 20 when I had my second oldest.
Blessed with a chance for them to meet and have a very strong relationship with her. X
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AusDM

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Reply with quote  #11 

I think that's a lovely idea and I echo the ideas of not making it a "sad" dance.  While a lyrical is an obvious choice, why not also consider what her other favourite songs are for other styles - jazz, tap, Broadway Jazz, Hip Hop, etc.  Consider a celebration of dance and something that would make them all smile and leave them with beautiful, happy memories.  The thought of a happy dance in that environment even makes me smile.

I wish my Mother-in-Law was here to see my daughter dance as it would have made her so incredibly proud.  xx

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czmcdaniel

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Reply with quote  #12 
Quote:
Originally Posted by dmjrm4
MY DD did did a dedicated solo for dying Grandma last year.  It was an incredible experience, but so, so emotional. She was 13 last year and I posted our story on DanceMom.com:

My DD just started her third season of competitive dance this Fall.  At the beginning of her second season, SO suggested she do a musical theater solo to "Spanish Rose".  I wasn't excited, but okay.  But then, DD's Nana was diagnosed with ALS, Lou Gehrig's disease, the world's most hideous disease; she was given a short time to live, and her body began shutting down.  SO asked DD if she'd like to do a lyrical solo dedicated to Nana instead.  Yes!  As a family we chose an updated cover to "Wind Beneath My Wings" and watched our daughter learn to be an emotional lyrical dancer, dancing for her beloved Nana. DD competed her solo all year and there wasn't a dry eye in our extended family when Nana got to see DD dance her solo two times during the season from her wheelchair.  In July my DD and I traveled to Las Vegas to go to Nationals. While there we got the call that Nana was getting worse.  The morning of DD's solo, she talked to Nana and told her she was going to dance her solo for her one last time. By my calculation we were we were at Dance Nationals in Las Vegas for 12,240 minutes, but during the exact five minutes my DD took the Nationals stage to dance her solo, Nana left this world to go to the next. Nana knew her granddaughter was dancing in the light for her as she left earth. Her chains were gone, she'd been set free. It felt so divine, and my DD will carry this experience with her forever.  This is my favorite photo from the actual dance.  Best dance experience ever for us.

Dance Nationals in Vegas.jpg  




That is so sad and beautiful all at the same time....
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cynmckee

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Reply with quote  #13 
There is a boy at our studio that danced a lyrical piece for his aunt that died this year.  He is 17 and was really close to his aunt.  It was done to Tears of an Angel.  While it was a very deep and meaningful piece for him to dance this year, he was often a mess either before going on or after he came off.  My dd was often backstage with him trying to get him to not shut down and to redirect the emotion into the dancing.

My point is that he was 17 and was able to deal with the emotion...sometimes just barely.  I might rethink this for kids as young as 10.  I might make it something more upbeat and a favorite of grandmas.  Let her help pick out the costumes.
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tappinmom

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Reply with quote  #14 
Maybe a song from grandma's hay day.  That would cheer her up for sure.
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hsealover

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Reply with quote  #15 
A girl DD dances with did two lyrical solos this year. One that her mother knew about, and one her mother had no idea about. Her mother had stage 4 breast cancer and a brain tumor as well.

She chose to surprise her mom at our first competition with the solo. The dance was a real tear jerker. No overwhelmingly sad or anything, she did the piece to her mother's favorite song, "Oceans of Hope". She had a recording of her speaking at the very beginning with statistics and at the end she speaks again about how we need to keep fighting so strong women like her mother can live cancer free. It's my favorite solo she's done.

I think maybe it would be too heavy and I agree, maybe her favorite song is a good idea, then whatever style fits accordingly. I think that would make it more special.

This is a good example of "dance to express, not to impress". Let them express happiness and bring joy to their grandmother. Good luck and have a great season!
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MamaOf2

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Reply with quote  #16 
I agree with the idea of a happier dance dedicated to Grandma.  Share the good memories they have picking flowers, dancing in the rain, or a trip she went with them on.

Good luck!
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