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Acmeex

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Reply with quote  #1 

Would love to get some feedback from others who may have dealt with this situation. Our SO is also a mom to 2 dancers on the performance team. As would be expected, they are both fabulous dancers who deserve every medal and accolade they receive.  However, at comp. the SO becomes 100% focused on her kids, and does not have much, if anything, to do any of the other dancers - at a recent event she did not say a word to me or my DD for the whole 4 days - no congratulations, or good job, or anything. Her focus is getting her kids ready and practicing their dances. Her kids were in at least 7 numbers each, so I get that she is busy, but still...  Being fairly new to this world, I'm not sure if this is par for the course, or rude and bad business etiquette. I felt she should have made an effort to come around and at least speak to each dancer - but please let me know if this is an unreasonable request in these types of circumstances.

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theyarg

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Reply with quote  #2 
I don't think you are being unreasonable. Unless she has an assistant director or the other teachers focusing on the team as a whole, she is not doing right by her students IMO.
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kmpmom

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Reply with quote  #3 
Depends if there are other staff who are looking after the team in general.  If so, then it's fine for her to focus on her own kids BUT she should be providing quick feedback/accolades to all dancers on her team throughout the weekend.  If she's the only teacher on site, she has to spread her focus around.  You're not being unreasonable.  
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LilMama

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Reply with quote  #4 
Is the SO also your DD's dance teacher? Although I wouldn't expect much from the SO if she's not the teacher, I understand where you're coming from.
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Acmeex

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Reply with quote  #5 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LilMama
Is the SO also your DD's dance teacher? Although I wouldn't expect much from the SO if she's not the teacher, I understand where you're coming from.


No, she is not my DD's teacher - she does not do any teaching except her kids solos and duets. If feel like my DD is getting good training at the studio, but the lack of management support and attention is concerning.
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amandafarris03

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Reply with quote  #6 
the studio owner we had in Texas had at one point her 3 daughters on the competition team.  THEY were the ones that didn't get as much attention (getting ready or just sitting hanging with your mom like all the rest of us were doing) they were treated like every other student that was in the studio.  they didn't get special attention.  the owner still did her duties as the studio owner, she didn't wear both hats at the same time, she was very professional with it.  what you are describing isn't fair to the rest of the studio.
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elastigal

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Reply with quote  #7 
Last year was our first year competing but I can say I barely saw our SO at comps, everyone is just too busy. Her daughter is a teacher at the studio and her granddaughter is on the comp team but even then I don't remember seeing a lot of the SO. She teaches a few routines so that's generally when I'd see her, the days they were scheduled if we happened to be there too, or I'd see her up on stage around awards taking photos of the dancers. We generally still have rec classes going on at the studio when the comps are on and they usually fall to her to teach when the rest of the teachers are at comp. She's super supportive though and the studio's Facebook page is filled with photos and congratulations to all the dancers. 
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rdsmom

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Reply with quote  #8 
If the SO isn't your dd's teacher, and her teacher is warming the kids up, running their dances, giving feedback and kudos, etc., then it sounds like it's fine. It sounds slightly odd that the SO isn't talking to the other parents and kids at all, but maybe she's just a "one track mind" kind of person. 
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emmymom

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Reply with quote  #9 
I have heard of a number of studios where there is little if any individual congratulations or conversation by SO or even the DTs.  

After being in the competitive world for 14 years with my DD, I can tell you that many times her DTs didn't have time to speak with every dancer individually.  Often times it was a "good job", "that was beautiful", "gorgeous turns", or "work on that..." in passing or perhaps they may say something before warming up the next dance.  She was at a very large studio and there was just no way the DTs could speak with everyone personally.  

When DD was really little and there were children of the SO dancing at her studio, the SO always hired a "helper" to attend to her own children at comps (when they were little), but the SO had a ton of numbers that she taught herself.
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prancer

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Reply with quote  #10 
Our SO does not attend our comps. She participates in the recital, runs the business, and is nice to everyone at the studio. The choreographers and teachers attend the comps to prepare and support the dancers.
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Mamala

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Reply with quote  #11 
I agree that as long as there is a dance teacher who is focused on all the kids and getting them warmed up and ready then it's not necessary for the SO to focus so much on each individual child. However, I would expect her to be a bit more personable by at least congratulating kids or saying good job etc. That just seems like a common decency thing to do since she is the SO. How old are her children? If they are very young then maybe she just feels overwhelmed with helping them and getting them ready? If they are older like teenagers then I'd say it's sort of rude of her to focus 100% on them and not even pay an ounce of attention to her customers. It's bad business practice if you ask me.
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disneymom2two

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Reply with quote  #12 
Last year SO's son was on the team.  She spent time with him, spent time with the girls, and spent time doing whatever else SO's have to do at comps.  She was busy but definitely made time for the kids.  This year SO is my daughter's jazz teacher.  
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tappinmom

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Reply with quote  #13 
Our SO had 2 girls who danced.  She also choreographed quite a few routines - all the tap, and most of the senior routines.  She was in the audience for every routine and then always gave well wishes and congrats to the dancers afterwards.  Her DD were treated just like any other dancer.  If they weren't her soloists then she didn't warm them up or run their dances - that was up to their DT.
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Suzit42

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Reply with quote  #14 
I would expect a presence from someone in the studio, either DT or SO. At our comps, one of them are there running dances for the younger teams, warming them up, checking costumes, checking them in backstage, etc.. DD is 17, her team, gets dressed, warms up, runs dances and checks in backstage on their own usually. What ever staff is there will be in the theater to watch every dance and be at every awards. I have never expected accolades after every dance from studio staff. They are usually pretty busy. If DD and her friends have solos scheduled closely, they will all hang backstage to pump each other up and hug them after. I love hearing them cheer from the wings. Our SO choreographs and teaches a fair number of groups. She has a son who dances on the comp team, our only boy. Sometimes she gets so busy that she can't check in with him. We moms kinda keep an eye on him and make sure that he eats.
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Paulina24

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Reply with quote  #15 
It's the responsibility of the team coach or coaches to oversee the competition. Unless the owner is the coach for the team, I wouldn't even expect for them to have to be there. Our studio owner is not usually at competitions or conventions. In your case, she is there as a Mom. So unless she is the team coach, then it's fine. If she is the coach, you should consider talking to her about delegating that role.
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my2miracles

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Reply with quote  #16 
At DD's 1st studio the SO was at every comp.  She was in the audience for all dances - cheering on the team and supporting the team during breaks.   The comp team directors/teachers were her 2 adult daughters and were in the dressing rooms helping with costumes, running dances, etc.  None had children of dance team age so that wasn't an issue.

Current studio - small studio team has 12 girls (senior and junior).  1 SO is also the teacher.  She and DT are at every comp doing whatever needs to be done.  Other SO who runs the business side of the house - no teaching is also at every comp.  She is less involved but is there to supplement other SO and the DT.

I think I would be fine with OP's situation if my dd was getting the support that she needed from someone at the studio.  If not, then I would have an issue.
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birdmom

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Reply with quote  #17 
Our SO is exactly that - the studio owner. The teachers run the dances and warm up the kids. Our studio owner will usually come to part of the competition but with 150+ dancers there is no way she could be there for every dance of every group and I don't expect her to.
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tappinmom

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Reply with quote  #18 
Quote:
Originally Posted by birdmom
Our SO is exactly that - the studio owner. The teachers run the dances and warm up the kids. Our studio owner will usually come to part of the competition but with 150+ dancers there is no way she could be there for every dance of every group and I don't expect her to.


I guess we are lucky because our SO was there from first call until the last awards session every day at all comps.  The comp tem main teacher was also there and any other teacher that had a group dancing would show up for their kids.  It was great for the kids from the minis right up to the seniors to know they have so much support.
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sandj

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Reply with quote  #19 
If the SO is precluding your kids from enjoying the dance experience then I would find another studio. Otherwise, if the kids are happy and enjoy dancing there, I wouldn't worry about it. They have you to cheer them on and support them, and that's the most important thing.
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kmpmom

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Reply with quote  #20 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tappinmom


I guess we are lucky because our SO was there from first call until the last awards session every day at all comps.  The comp tem main teacher was also there and any other teacher that had a group dancing would show up for their kids.  It was great for the kids from the minis right up to the seniors to know they have so much support.


Our two SOs are also there from early morning to late night.  Sure, they duck out if there's a gap in the schedule when we have no dances but they're otherwise there.  They have an active role in warming up the kids, dealing with backstage issues and giving quick feedback to the kids (always positive) after they dance.  They sew, staple, glue and spot-clean all day long and I have such faith in them that I wouldn't hazard to comment on anyone getting priority or lack of support.  I just assume they're doing what needs to be done for the team.  After all, it's their name on our team jackets.
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LolaD

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Reply with quote  #21 
Our SO does teach classes. Her daughter does dance comp. I've always thought she didn't get much of attention from her Mom during comp. but she is always front and center. That being said SO is also my grand daughters step Mom. She is just as good if not better and is never on the front.

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sbbrewerst

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Reply with quote  #22 
Our SO has 4 kids that compete. At a competition, she is a mom. We have a DT that is the team 'director'. All questions, comments, and concerns go to her, not SO.
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birdmom

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Reply with quote  #23 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tappinmom


I guess we are lucky because our SO was there from first call until the last awards session every day at all comps.  The comp tem main teacher was also there and any other teacher that had a group dancing would show up for their kids.  It was great for the kids from the minis right up to the seniors to know they have so much support.


I don't feel unlucky because she isn't there the whole time. She is great about watching the kids in class and giving them complements. We always have multiple teachers watching them dance and they are who my kid interacts with regularly.
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emcandance

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Reply with quote  #24 
I agree if there is a teacher that has been involved with this class and is there warming them up, giving feedback, the SO can be mom.  I do think that she should also check in with all the classes on how they are doing.  After all,  these families are paying the bills.
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