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BCdancemom

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Reply with quote  #1 
Ok. I will try and keep this brief. I am not one to complain but I have mentioned on the forum that my dd 14 has recently switched studios, after 6 weeks into the season, and being cast in 2 group dances and a duet. So it was a bit of big ordeal to pull out after all that but it was needed for my daughter. The communication with SD has broken down, and I felt that there was no reconciliation to be had. I wanted to scale back for my dd this year because of stress and burnout (my dd is very hard on self, works very hard and tends to push too hard) but SD was angry and not at all supportive.

It came up in discussion that SD felt that dd has an eatin disorder and that some of the other dancers had brought there concerns to her re this issue 6 months ago... we said thanks for your concern, but that my dd has lost about 10 lbs last year due to stress and being on meds for ADHD (weight loss and appetite suppression is a very common side effect) since then she has gained about 5 lbs back and is doing really well! She loves to eat and has a great appetite. First off, why if she was concerned about this weight loss did she not say anything when it occurred. Second, why if she was aware that my dd was having some health issues, was she so opposed to her having a break and scaling back a bit. And now... the worst part...

My dd had a friend from her old studio come over to visit yesterday and this friend (very reliable, not one to gossip!!) mentioned to my dd that SD has spoken with the whole team saying the reason my dd left the studio was because she confronted us about my dd having an eating disorder and we were in denial and left the studio because of it!!

My dd is dancing at a new studio, very happy and healthy and doesn’t need these kinds of rumours swirling around our very small community. I am at a loss for what to do, I am appalled and shocked.
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heidi459

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Reply with quote  #2 
You essentially have two choices.  Just leave it and move on knowing that no matter what you say/do, it's been said and people have made their judgments and nothing you can do or say will likely change that at this point.  Or call her/go to see her and address it directly in order to put her in her place.  There's no right or wrong way to handle it, just what you prefer.  My only suggestion would be to do yourself a favor and make your decision (and then follow through if necessary) sooner than later.  Don't dwell.  It's not worth the mental/emotional energy.  Good luck.
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Mama2aHappyDancer

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Reply with quote  #3 
No advice, but I am so sorry you and your dd are dealing with this. 
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MNDanceDad

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Reply with quote  #4 
I'm pretty confrontational by nature.  However, in this case, I think I'd opt to let it go.  You're in a better situation now anyway, and there's no need to try to control what that other person is going to say or do.  Time is your friend.  The more that passes, the more people forget and move on.
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peppersmom67

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Reply with quote  #5 
Count your blessings that you moved on! What a horrible (and unprofessional) rumor to spread. It's your personal preference on how to handle. I would put her in her place- and probably publicly but very calmly.
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Noel

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Reply with quote  #6 
Coming from a non confrontational perspective: People will believe what they want to, regardless of what you do or do not say. They already have. Confronting the studio owner directly, to me, means confronting someone who (they've already made it clear) is willing to lie and spread rumors and talk about a child for no good reason. 

There's that saying, never argue with stupid because they will beat you with experience. *something like that

Confronting the SO puts you at risk of validating her rumors (you know this is not the only thing she's spewed) but getting dragged to her level. Rise above it.
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dancingmiller

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Reply with quote  #7 
The most important thing here is that your daughter is still dancing, is very happy and HEALTHY!!  The truth will eventually be known.  Be grateful you have moved on!  Look at it this way too ... if the SO will speak negatively and incorrectly about your child, she will do it about others too!!  You aren't the first and won't be the last.  A sad truth.
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prancer

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Reply with quote  #8 
When we left the SOs were spreading ridiculous rumors about us. Those who knew us simply knew it wasn’t true, I didn’t care what anyone else thought. Taking the high road is usually best. And when others dip down extra low, your decision to leave is reaffirmed.
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gandalf

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Reply with quote  #9 
Find a friendly local attorney and have him/her draft a cease & desist letter
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dave9988

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Reply with quote  #10 
Quote:
Originally Posted by prancer
When we left the SOs were spreading ridiculous rumors about us. Those who knew us simply knew it wasn’t true, I didn’t care what anyone else thought. Taking the high road is usually best. And when others dip down extra low, your decision to leave is reaffirmed.


Even within our studio, we hear "stuff" from other parents.  From most, I've learned to take their comments with more than a grain of salt.  I've been witness to exaggeration, half-truths, and even flat out lies from more than one of the most manipulative of the studio moms.

Coming from an authority figure (studio owner or teacher) is perhaps more disturbing, but if it's a one time deal I'd probably let it be.  If she continues, I suppose you could go with a cease and desist (Gandolf's suggestion), though frankly I doubt it would do much. Your daughter's healthy & happy appearance likely does more to dispel the rumor than anything else.
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rubydancemom

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Reply with quote  #11 
We've had some very untrue, nasty stuff spread about us. We ignore, and frankly, don't accept things said about others as truth unless we have seen, heard, or witnessed firsthand. Too many opportunists looking to twist, embellish, etc. Be glad you moved on, and laugh off the rumors. No one who truly knows you will believe them.
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sarahannexo

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Reply with quote  #12 
Quote:
Originally Posted by gandalf
Find a friendly local attorney and have him/her draft a cease & desist letter

So without hijacking this thread entirely, let me say sometimes this is sometimes necessary and that letter can be worth it's weight in gold.

I was the president of our boosters club (old studio), which was a registered 501(c)3. When the studio was dying, the S/O spread nasty rumors about the boosters and what we can and cannot do, causing distress for myself, my co-president, our treasurer, and other parents. We had our attorney draft a letter, and while the hostility from the S/O did not end there, the gossip did.

If you're in the financial situation to do it and this is causing emotional distress for your DD, I would do this and then try to move on.
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