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Gold Member
Posts: 367
Reply with quote  #26 
I agree w/ the others to sell them back if you think you wouldn't use them again. Considering the girl they will have use them was one of the mean girls to your DD, I would almost say, keep them! It is a natural consequence to their unkind behavior. Why assist them in replacing your daughter.  

My DD16 was bullied by 2 different girls over all the years she danced (10 years now). The mothers were just as bad as their daughters. My DD always took the high road. She pretended she was fine, so others in the studio wouldn't feel uncomfortable. At the time, she was in a lot of pain, but is now a very STRONG young woman emotionally. I believe much of her strength was d/t dealing with these unkind people.  She has a lot of compassion and will advocate for others. With your support, your daughter will learn to get through this.

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Gold Member
Posts: 490
Reply with quote  #27 
BTDT and took a different approach and wanted to offer it for consideration. DD left under not entirely different circumstances (although the reprehensible behavior came mostly on the part of the SO and her head coach)... we left as a matter of protecting DDs inner peace and self esteem as well. Damage was done, but we would not allow another millisecond and left abruptly.

What to do with the costumes. We knew that the SO expected "her" costumes back. (Hideous hideous hideous as they were it made our decision easier) We also knew they would be given to another dancer who would, more than likely, be chosen for a variety of reasons that would sting and that those decisions would not be made entirely without "burning" us for leaving.

However, I turned to DD and asked her, "truly, in your heart, will you ever look at these costumes with a happy heart? Will they just serve to remind you of all that you've been through?" Without hesitation she said, "Get rid of them. I never want to see them again."

So, I'm glad we handed them over. No money changed hands. No discussion. Just the satisfaction of, "here are your lousy costumes and you hold nothing over our heads." A clean slate with no lingering reminders remaining.

And... devious as this may sound, I walked away with the satisfaction of knowing that whomever got those costumes next would KNOW that they were my DDs and that try as they might, they'd never fill her shoes. Not her unique shoes. And (as we were instructed) every last piece of costume was labeled with her name or initials. They'd have to sit with the fact that they were a fill in, never the original, and wearing a costume bought and paid for by someone else. I found that satisfying after the disgusting behavior we endured.

Silver Member
Posts: 85
Reply with quote  #28 
When we left a studio (after recital/before nationals...daughter was accepted to a summer intensive over the nationals comp), I took the cost of the costumes, divided the cost by the number of competitions & recital & nationals, and asked for that amount.   They decided that was "fair" and the moms of the replacements paid it.  
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