Register Calendar Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment   Page 1 of 2      1   2   Next
Inspiredby3

High Bronze Member
Registered:
Posts: 28
Reply with quote  #1 
Hi everyone! We've had a rough year at our studio. I had posted a few months ago about one of the problems.

My dd12 ended up getting bullied by her best friend and and it caused her to leave the studio before recital. Her friend started turning others against her and did everything she could to ostracize her from their group of friends. She would invite everyone over except my daughter, her mom would take lots of pictures and post them on Facebook. This would happen weekend after weekend. She did a lot of passive aggressive stuff. Act nice to my daughter in front of parents and teachers but then would turn on my daughter when they weren't around, this just left my daughter in more confusion. The hard part is that they just put 4 of the girls in all the classes away from the rest of the juniors. Even the class was bigger, my dd would have just started hanging out with other kids. But all her classes were with those girls.

When my daughter quit, I let them use her costumes for recital so another child can fill in. My younger dd9 was also going there and I decided to not let her go to Nationals since we're changing schools and it would be a big expense for her to go since we have to fly there. Now they want her costumes too.

Everyone is telling me not to give them to them and have them pay a rental fee. They want to alter them too. They'll be of no use to me if they're altered.

Any advice?
1
Jinkerbelle

Avatar / Picture

High Silver Member
Registered:
Posts: 101
Reply with quote  #2 
Bummer sorry to hear all that! I would let them PURCHASE the costumes back from you. I may give them $20 off the original purchase price if they were worn before. Good Luck sounds like a nice group you are dealing with!
1
peppersmom67

Bronze Member
Registered:
Posts: 19
Reply with quote  #3 
You purchased them, they belong to you. Once they are altered you can't use them. I understand that they now need to fill your daughter's spot at Nationals but that's not your problem. I would charge them a fee or have them purchase the costumes back from you at a discounted rate if you are feeling generous! 
1
Ktyyyyyyy

Avatar / Picture

Platinum Member
Registered:
Posts: 1,485
Reply with quote  #4 
At both studios we have been at, it has been stated in the contract that if a dancer does not attend a competition, they must allow another dancer to use their costume. DD is currently filling in for an injured dancer and has her costume. We did not have to pay anything for her to use the costume, although it didn't need to be altered. We will return the costume after nationals.
1
dancingpeanut

Platinum Member
Registered:
Posts: 1,498
Reply with quote  #5 
What would you do with the costumes? I would be the bigger person and give them the costumes. You are the ones who quit the team at the end of the season, why make it rougher on the other dancers than it needs to be? Give them the costumes so an understudy can fill your dd's place. It's actually in our team contracts that if we can't perform, we must supply the costumes to the understudy. Happened to DD one year when she was injured. We got all the costumes but one back, but it really didn't matter because they've all just sat in a box since then.
1
joriebelle

Avatar / Picture

Platinum Member
Registered:
Posts: 1,326
Reply with quote  #6 
You paid for the costumes, not the person who is filling in.  If there is nothing in the contract I definitely would not just give them away without charging at least a rental fee.
1
tappinmom

Avatar / Picture

Double Diamond Member
Registered:
Posts: 13,289
Reply with quote  #7 
I am going to go with the majority and say you paid for these costumes and they are use to do with as you please.  If they just wanted to borrow them I would charge a rental fee but as soon as alterations come into the picture and they are now no good to you I would make them purchase them at a small discount since your DD has worn them already.
1
momcrew

High Gold Member
Registered:
Posts: 554
Reply with quote  #8 
Don't punish the team by not letting them have the costumes. It's not their fault your daughter quit before nationals. If you feel the need to sell the costumes back to them, so be it, but don't withhold them. 
3
amandafarris03

Avatar / Picture

High Gold Member
Registered:
Posts: 510
Reply with quote  #9 
this one is tough because YOU decided to leave the team before the end of the season.  I can see both sides, does the studio owner know about the situation with your older dd?  did your younger dd's team have a problem?  will they buy them back?  are you trying to stick it to them or do you truly think not giving them the costumes won't matter in the end.  what about the mom's that paid money for the entire season? did they do anything to warrant you messing that up for their hard earned money?
1
heidi459

Avatar / Picture

Diamond Member
Registered:
Posts: 5,918
Reply with quote  #10 
I don't see how not just giving the studio the costumes to use for free messes anything up for anyone. Regardless of whose decision it was to leave and why, you "paid" for these costumes. Seems a little outrageous to me for a studio to expect that you should now just hand them back over so they can give them to someone else.  They should've offered you something when they asked to use them.... this shouldn't even be a question.

Also, neither here nor there but... numbers have to be reworked for Nationals all the time, sometimes at the very last minute. To be honest, I'm surprised they are trying to put someone in your dancer's place.  Seems it would be easier to just rework the spacing/formations a bit.  

1
heidi459

Avatar / Picture

Diamond Member
Registered:
Posts: 5,918
Reply with quote  #11 
And there goes that darn thumbs downer again.... taking issue with everyones' posts. It would seem that someone is in need of some serious professional help  lol
0
joriebelle

Avatar / Picture

Platinum Member
Registered:
Posts: 1,326
Reply with quote  #12 
Quote:
Originally Posted by heidi459
And there goes that darn thumbs downer again.... taking issue with everyones' posts. It would seem that someone is in need of some serious professional help  lol


Definitely.  I mean what is even the point?!
0
my2miracles

Platinum Member
Registered:
Posts: 1,175
Reply with quote  #13 
Quote:
Originally Posted by heidi459
And there goes that darn thumbs downer again.... taking issue with everyones' posts. It would seem that someone is in need of some serious professional help  lol


They've been quiet for a while.  Summer boredom must be setting in
0
my2miracles

Platinum Member
Registered:
Posts: 1,175
Reply with quote  #14 
I agree with Heidi.  I see no requirement to return the costume and I'll even extend it to even if it's in the contract.  Those contracts aren't enforceable and I highly doubt the studio owner would bother taking it to court for a lousy costume.  You own the costume, it's your decision what to do with them when your dd is done.
0
RebelSwan

Silver Member
Registered:
Posts: 58
Reply with quote  #15 
If you don't sell, you should at least wear... at the beach, at the playground, at Dairy Queen, horseback riding.... post the crap out of those photos and tag all the x-bff's.  "Wishin we were at Nationals with you...."  (Kidding.  Sorta.)
0
gymanddance

Platinum Member
Registered:
Posts: 1,418
Reply with quote  #16 
I would give them the costumes and ask for them to be returned to you after nationals. If they state they want to alter the costumes, and you truly think you would use that costume again, then I would let them know they would need to purchase the costume from you.
0
Inspiredby3

High Bronze Member
Registered:
Posts: 28
Reply with quote  #17 
Thank you everyone for all the advice!

I want clarify that the only reason my daughter left was because she was being bullied, purposely hurt and ostracized. She started refusing to go to class and I had no choice but pull her out. My younger daughter was also bullied by the younger sister from the same family. I picked her up from dance balling her eyes out a couple times a week for a few months. In the end, there has been no consequence to those girls or the family, as the parents were involved in supporting the children in the bullying.

We are very kind, thoughtful people and would never try to make things difficult for anyone. I just really can't figure out why they need my daughter's costumes and not another child's who quit and won't be going to nationals. They do make a good amount on comp fees so I think they just want to make the extra money with having an extra dancer paying comp fees.

I really don't know if we'll use the costumes again or not. The girls might want to use one of them for Halloween. I didn't have a problem them using our costumes if they used a replacement of similar size and didn't alter the costumes. But it makes me a little sick that the replacement for my dd is a girl that stole my Dd's best friend and with that the bullying started. Don't really want that girl especially wearing my dd's costume. Might seem petty, but they put my dd through hell that I'm sure will leave a mark on her for the rest of her life.
0
my2miracles

Platinum Member
Registered:
Posts: 1,175
Reply with quote  #18 
I totally understand.  We left dd's former studio because she was being bullied by one of the SO's.  I wouldn't give them the time of day if they asked.  On the other hand, we donated dd's old costumes to her new studio and 1 girl already used one for a solo.

I don't think your actions are petty.  I think it's more about people shouldn't benefit from bad behavior.
0
dave9988

Avatar / Picture

High Gold Member
Registered:
Posts: 660
Reply with quote  #19 
You bought them, they are yours. The "fill in" can buy their own if necessary.
0
dancedaughters

Platinum Member
Registered:
Posts: 1,674
Reply with quote  #20 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inspiredby3
Thank you everyone for all the advice! I want clarify that the only reason my daughter left was because she was being bullied, purposely hurt and ostracized. She started refusing to go to class and I had no choice but pull her out. My younger daughter was also bullied by the younger sister from the same family. I picked her up from dance balling her eyes out a couple times a week for a few months. In the end, there has been no consequence to those girls or the family, as the parents were involved in supporting the children in the bullying. We are very kind, thoughtful people and would never try to make things difficult for anyone. I just really can't figure out why they need my daughter's costumes and not another child's who quit and won't be going to nationals. They do make a good amount on comp fees so I think they just want to make the extra money with having an extra dancer paying comp fees. I really don't know if we'll use the costumes again or not. The girls might want to use one of them for Halloween. I didn't have a problem them using our costumes if they used a replacement of similar size and didn't alter the costumes. But it makes me a little sick that the replacement for my dd is a girl that stole my Dd's best friend and with that the bullying started. Don't really want that girl especially wearing my dd's costume. Might seem petty, but they put my dd through hell that I'm sure will leave a mark on her for the rest of her life.


Given these additional details, I'd just keep the costumes and let the studio solve their own problems.  Before I read this I was going to say that since your younger daughter had not had problems with her teammates, why not help out the kid who is replacing her by letting them have the costumes.  

If I were you, I'd just tell the studio the costumes cost $X and if they are willing to pay that price, then sell, if not, no deal.  They should have offered something in the first place.  Don't negotiate or argue - the ball's in their court.

0
RebelSwan

Silver Member
Registered:
Posts: 58
Reply with quote  #21 
Gosh, sell them if you have the chance.  Costumes are worse than cars for depreciation.  You can likely ask more in this incidence because they actually need them, but I'm beyond thrilled if I manage to sell one for 30%.  And you know they'll be going to Good Will in 4 or 5 years any way.  Or better yet, say they can have them for free once you see proof of a $40 donation going to some Anti-Bully association from that family.
0
tappinmom

Avatar / Picture

Double Diamond Member
Registered:
Posts: 13,289
Reply with quote  #22 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inspiredby3
Thank you everyone for all the advice! I want clarify that the only reason my daughter left was because she was being bullied, purposely hurt and ostracized. She started refusing to go to class and I had no choice but pull her out. My younger daughter was also bullied by the younger sister from the same family. I picked her up from dance balling her eyes out a couple times a week for a few months. In the end, there has been no consequence to those girls or the family, as the parents were involved in supporting the children in the bullying. We are very kind, thoughtful people and would never try to make things difficult for anyone. I just really can't figure out why they need my daughter's costumes and not another child's who quit and won't be going to nationals. They do make a good amount on comp fees so I think they just want to make the extra money with having an extra dancer paying comp fees. I really don't know if we'll use the costumes again or not. The girls might want to use one of them for Halloween. I didn't have a problem them using our costumes if they used a replacement of similar size and didn't alter the costumes. But it makes me a little sick that the replacement for my dd is a girl that stole my Dd's best friend and with that the bullying started. Don't really want that girl especially wearing my dd's costume. Might seem petty, but they put my dd through hell that I'm sure will leave a mark on her for the rest of her life.


DS was bullied terribly at our first studio from ages 6-8.  That was 13 years ago and we are still dealing with self esteem issues because of it.  I'm glad you got both your girls out of that situation.
0
debitigger

Bronze Member
Registered:
Posts: 11
Reply with quote  #23 
We left a studio that my dd was treated horribly at. I wouldn't give them the costumes. Too bad too sad for them. They should have dealt with the bullying. I really wouldn't care how it impacted them.
0
Beccasmom

Avatar / Picture

High Platinum Member
Registered:
Posts: 3,876
Reply with quote  #24 
Bottom line is, you paid for the costumes, they are now your property. If they want them back, they can refund you for them. 
0
rubydancemom

Silver Member
Registered:
Posts: 98
Reply with quote  #25 
I agree with PP. If they want the costumes, they will issue you a refund for them. Otherwise, I would walk away and not think twice.
0
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.