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lvmydncgirl

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Reply with quote  #1 
Studio switch? It's going to happen, just when?
Here's our problem(s):
-Have been at current studio for 9 years
-Has been on competition team for 4 years
- Not sure when to make the switch due to costumes being paid for for comps and comp choreography is near being finished?
-New studio does compete with current
-Studio is a health hazard (very old building) and has huge concerns for safety (lack of parking where the students are having to cross a busy road and it's scary for even parents walking them)
-Daughter was bullied and were begged not to say anything to the parent by the SD and are now dealing with being left out; emails mysteriously are not being sent and being told I should have known info that I didn't get, my daughter is now dealing with others who won't even talk to her because of the bully, critiques are not being given, and SD's has been giving us constant attitude (we pay on time, daughter is always at class, we are the first they ask for help with props, etc)
-Last straw was recent when my daughter showed up to class 2-5 minutes late, she had to stay after school and it was pouring rain out and I have a hard time driving in rain so took it slow. Daughter was told in front of the class that she is on the verge of being kicked out of the class for being late and that staying after school wasn't an excuse that will fly, but yet the girls are constantly told how important their education is. Other dancers are consistently late due to playing other sports or don't show up for weeks in a row because of other activity commitments, oh and a bully who broke policy wasn't kicked out? But my daughter being late which is not a reoccurring issue with us, was humiliated and torn apart in front of the class? Ugh!
When would you make the switch? We are torn because we don't want our daughter being viewed as "that dancer" when we have more than our fair share of liable reasons. Daughter is willing to stick it out until the end of the season even though, "it's going to be hard but it's not fair to the instructors if I go now", my daughter said. I also don't want my daughter to lose herself and give up dance which is her passion from toxicity. And I know it's not what we should go by, but I just don't have a good feeling.
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MNDanceDad

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Reply with quote  #2 
Sounds like you're probably taking the most logical path in sticking out the year.  Unfortunately, from MY perspective, I'm looking at it financially.  You're already a long way down the road THIS year.  Unless the situation became MORE unbearable...just ride it out.  It's a good life lesson in how to deal with difficult and bad people.
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ggsmith

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Reply with quote  #3 
I don't know that any amount of money makes up for my daughter being tormented in an after school activity.  If the new studio is ready to take the dancer and you can absorb the financial impact, I'd say go.  There will be difficult people to deal with in the future, true, but do you want to teach your daughter to put up with abuse?  Stay in a marriage that starts with demeaning comments and progresses to beatings?  Stay with an employer that harasses her and underpays her?  Its dance.  It is supposed to be something to enjoy and grow from.  I'm sure she can learn about dealing with difficult people from her high school biology teacher or her grumpy Uncle Fred.  My opinion.
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lvmydncgirl

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Reply with quote  #4 
The only hit we will be taking financially will be the comp costume fees. The bullying has gone on for years but got worse last year when it was taken up a notch with physical actions. My daughter is not the only one who has been antagonized but others won't say anything. Other factors are the dance photos for the past couple years have been horrible quality. Backdrop seams are visible, smudge faces, cut offs, etc. Also, the dancers are not showcased enough meaning they are never in parades or dance at local events but other towns studios show up...its just frustrating.
My husband is set on her staying put and dealing with it. I'm set to let bygones be bygones and get the stink eyes and such done and over with now vs later. My daughter is torn as she has the right to be. She is going off a more sentimental vibe of it being her first studio since she was 3 but wants to be able to dance with a clear mind and more focus. I'm dying inside because I hate seeing my daughter so torn.
Thank you for feedback. This is just tough.
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heidi459

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Reply with quote  #5 
Everything ggsmith said. X1000. Personally, I don't think we should teach our kids to "put up " with bad behavior. Run from it? No. But sometimes you can see the writing on the wall and ignoring it will do more harm than good. Doesn't really sound like there's anything you can do here to make the situation what it should be. What your dancer deserves. I'd be out in a heartbeat.. and never look back.

And please... don't worry about being "that " dancer. That's typically just a manipulative phrase used by those who would be too fearful to make a move themselves and, as a result, feel this need to hold others back with them. The old "crab in the bucket.
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tendumom

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Reply with quote  #6 

One of my few regrets was not acting when the writing was clearly apparent on the proverbial wall. 

Normally, I would say to stay and finish out the year, but you have a very long way to go in this dance year. The competition season has not even started for most yet. It also sounds like you've already found another studio. 

I understand your dd's sentiments. But if the instructors are allowing these behaviors to occur, it's not fair to your dd either. 

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MNDanceDad

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Reply with quote  #7 
Spoken like a bunch of dance moms.
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Noel

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Reply with quote  #8 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MNDanceDad
Spoken like a bunch of dance moms.


Tone gets lost when typed. Care to clarify? Because my initial reaction is that you are ridiculing the above responses. 
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DancingDawn2011

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Reply with quote  #9 
Honestly, I would go up to the studio and pitch a major bxtch.  You are a paying customer and I would never never never tolerate someone bullying my child especially when paying a ton of money!  That being said, if your dd wants to change studios then go ahead and change studios now.
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lvmydncgirl

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Reply with quote  #10 
It's like I told my husband, she's not quitting dance, she's choosing to take a higher road by not putting up with the torment any longer.
I spoke up about the bullying many times. One time another instructor witnessed and also spoke up to the SD in front of me and she was told "that'll be enough." Basically was told to hush. The dancers were warming up at a comp and when my daughter went to join in the bully said, "no, not you, you can go over there!" and pointed to an empty space without any other dancers. I spoke up and said, "she needs to warm up too and just like everyone else will follow the lead right here!" Thats when the instructor saw it for herself and told SD.
The bully has also disrespected me and my husband many tomes by talking very rudely to us, trying to give us instructions of where we could sit at comps, where I could set up her bag at comps in the dressing area, has hit my husband but quickly tried acting like it was a joke...
Thank you all for the feedback. She has made her mind up of which studio she wants to go to and I think she's making a very wise decision.
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lvmydncgirl

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Reply with quote  #11 
Quote:
Originally Posted by DancingDawn2011
Honestly, I would go up to the studio and pitch a major bxtch.  You are a paying customer and I would never never never tolerate someone bullying my child especially when paying a ton of money!  That being said, if your dd wants to change studios then go ahead and change studios now.

We did speak up and was begged not to tell the parent as I stated I would do. I also stated if changes weren't made we would find another studio that would stand behind their policies regarding disrespect in the studio.
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heidi459

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Reply with quote  #12 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Noel


Tone gets lost when typed. Care to clarify? Because my initial reaction is that you are ridiculing the above responses. 


My first thought too and then decided I must be wrong. I certainly hope I am anyway. So many of us have been there. Dance studio drama is not imagined, is not a joke, and should never be tolerated. We pay far too much money to put up with this crap. And our dancers deserve better.
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MimisMom

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Reply with quote  #13 
I would leave right now. And don’t look back.
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tappinmom

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Reply with quote  #14 
Leave now!  I wish I had gotten DS out when the bullying started instead of finishing the year.  His self esteem took such a hit that it was years before he felt remotely good about himself again.
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emmymom

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Reply with quote  #15 
Leave now. Don't look back. And don't ever feel bad about it.
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Julieg

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Reply with quote  #16 
If you're worried about losing money on the competition costumes take them with you.  You paid for them.  Then, either sell or give them to soloists at the new studio so they can wear them when they compete against your old studio.  It would definitely make custom costumes not so custom if a soloist had already performed in one just like it.
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dancedaughters

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Reply with quote  #17 
Leave now.  It's not your job to fix these people.  And once you are out of there you are not going to care whether they think you are "that dancer and that mom".  Better to teach your daughter that she can walk away from a bad situation rather than just endure it.  

My DD stuck out a bad year last year but nothing as bad as you describe.  Very happy at a new studio this year.  
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DancingDawn2011

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Reply with quote  #18 
If you spoke to the SO once and nothing has changed then I would speak to them again.  And I might still leave but honestly, I wouldn't make it easy for the SO if she is allowing a hostile environment to exist at her studio.
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lucky0003

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Reply with quote  #19 
Leave now. You already have a place to go. You wouldn’t have found that studio if it wasn’t unbearable where you are now. Good luck!
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dancemom0987

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Reply with quote  #20 
Leave. Your daughter shouldn't have to put up with that if she just wants to dance. A dance studio is supposed to be a fun place where you can learn without having to worry about what your SO or teachers are going to say. You already have another studio to go to. Like Julieg said, keep the costumes and sell them.

And your daughter won't be known as "that dancer." This is going to sound harsh, but it usually doesn't matter to anyone if a dancer switches studios. The dancers at the previous studio might talk about it for a day or two, but in my daughter's experiences, nobody is judging the dancer. If someone does judge you or your daughter for leaving a toxic environment, what they say shouldn't matter because you have VERY good reasons for leaving.
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debitigger

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Reply with quote  #21 
We had my dd stick it out and she doesn't dance at all now. She was injured last year around this time at her new studio and was finally cleared but she won't go back at all. All the bullying and poor treatment just made her associate it with dance. The saddest part is her new studio was wonderful but she just couldn't get past what had happened at the previous place. She misses dance and longs to dance again but she just can't seem to. I am hoping that with time she may again. She is 13 so there is time.
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