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Mittenmom3

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Reply with quote  #1 
My dd13 is a good girl, she really is, but her nerves before shows manifest themselves into nasty, diva behavior. It's been this way since her very first recital at age 4. I have an awesome picture of dd right before that recital. She's all dolled up with hair, little makeup, her cute costume with the most pathetic pouty lip and scowl on her face. It's priceless. [smile]

Tonight was staging and dress rehearsal. Yes, all in one night as the venue had another event on our usual staging day. Dd's group stages their numbers. AD is not happy with the spacing, calls dd out for being in the wrong spot -- dd wasn't, but that's irrevelvant -- comes over to sit by me afterwards and starts melting down insisting that she was in the right spot. Guess what, sister? The right spot is wherever AD tells you to be. Get. Over. It. She pretty much sat with the same mug on her face waaaay back when she was 4.

I deliver my tri annual speech. I give up an entire week of my life 3x per year so you can dance a nutcracker, spring ballet and recital. In return, you will not behave like a diva. Ten minutes later, dd is acting like her usual kind self as if nothing happened. A little food, a little reassurance didn't hurt either.

Ah show time, brings out the beasts in these girls.

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dancypants

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Reply with quote  #2 
I can so relate. My DD is the biggest ball of stress before performances, spring ballet and nutcracker. Recital is super low key for her school (mostly for the younger kids who don't do much in the ballets) so not that, but geez- it's like she personally is responsible for the whole thing. Spring ballet her partner (a professional and easily the most accomplished dancer DD will probably ever, ever dance with) forgot their pas de deux. He just spun her around for a few 8 counts and then they resumed and finished...I swear she was less upset when relatives died. We are talking level 5 meltdown in the car (because of course she couldn't say anything to him, lol). she was unlivable for days after, I nearly put her in a tent in the backyard. thankfully a relative is in town and she hasn't been at dance and seems to be better, but good grief.

I know the perfectionism is what makes them good dancers, but it sure isn't easy to live with, is it?
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dancedaughters

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Reply with quote  #3 
It's hard to tell from your post, but if her meltdown was limited to complaining to you while sitting next to you, I don't think that's so bad.

Both of my kids show their nerves in different ways.  I try to cut them a little slack about some things, draw very firm boundaries about other things (as in "I know you're very nervous right now but you may not speak to me like that"), and just empathize with their feelings.  

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Mittenmom3

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Reply with quote  #4 
Yes, her complaining was only to me. She would never say anything to AD or anyone else. I think I get so flustered with this because its totally out of character for her to act this way.
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Mom2Girls

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Reply with quote  #5 
I hear you! My DD11 has always been like that, though it seems to be getting better. Nerves turn her into a diva.

Like you, it is three full weeks of my life a year (from 3:30-9/10pm nightly) and when it feels like they don't appreciate it...yikes. (I know it isn't actually a lack of appreciation, but it can feel that way.) We are headed into one such week for the spring ballet, followed by a week off, followed by another long week for recital. Ugh.
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jlm645

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Reply with quote  #6 
This isn't dance related- it's just 13 year old girl related: 

My 13-year-old made brilliant observation about 6 months ago.  She said "Mom, I noticed that I only have two moods.  Everything is amazing, and don't anyone speak to me."  And frankly the everything is amazing mood was just as exhausting at the don't speak to me mood.  Fortunately she seems to have leveled out for now.  I'm sure we haven't fully weathered the adolescent mood swings yet, but I'm enjoying the break for as long as it lasts.  
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heidi459

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Reply with quote  #7 
I remember when dd, now 15, was all over the place with her moods and attitudes.  My running joke was "Stick that personality back in your back pocket and pull out another one". She now uses that same line on her younger brothers when they start to irritate her.  

This too shall pass.
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JojosDanceMom

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Reply with quote  #8 
Oh I am so happy to be past that stage.... And it was a long one with DD... her mood swings and attitude went from about 11/12 through about 14 and began to wane around 15.  And when her nerves set it... forget it, I did not want to be anywhere near her!  Over all she was a great kid, smart, kind, big heart... but she could match all of that with a particularly nasty attitude!  And most times the attitude was saved just for me!  LOL  I use to joke that as long as everyone else thought she was a great kid then I'm doing something right!  LOL  But now she's like a different kid!  It's like they hit 15/16 and a switch is flipped!  I remember hearing from friends of older kids that this magical thing happens around this age but I was weary to believe them... turns out they knew what they were talking about!  LOL  At 14 it was going strong... last year, at 15, it was there to some degree... but really only when she was feeling particularly stressed (and last year was a particularly stressful season!).  Now, at 16, well... like I said... she's a different kid!  Like night and day!  LOL
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brightblue

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Reply with quote  #9 
Mine's only 8, and I already can't deal with her before she performs. She's an incredibly intense kid even at this age, and she gets wound up to where I honestly don't think she knows if she wants me there, wants me gone, talking, not talking. She's snappish if I'm there but gets upset if I leave ... the thing is I remember acting exactly the same way toward my mom at horse shows 30 years ago. Payback is a b**ch I guess.
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ChelleB70

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Reply with quote  #10 
My 12 yo dd used to do this as well and I'm sure will do it again in the future.  For her it's right before auditions for the competitive teams.  I called her out on it one year and really let into her for it.  I told her that if she was going to treat me poorly she could find someone else to pay for her classes, dance clothing, shoes and comps, drive her rear end around and waste their time bc I had a lot of things I could be doing instead.  She didn't say anything right away but apologized later and has kept herself in check since then.  Again, I'm sure it won't be the last time but she does know I mean it so she thinks twice before going diva on me.
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cynmckee

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Reply with quote  #11 
Puberty...ain't it grand?
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Dancemomjus

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Reply with quote  #12 
My DD is almost 12 and for the most part is pretty calm at comps and for recital. Now if I start asking her about things or don't forget that, etc she'll start to cop an attitude. But in general she's had an attitude since about 2. Some days she's the sweetest girl and then i'll ask her to pick up her backpack and all hell breaks loose. geesh...seriously pre-teens.
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tappinmom

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Reply with quote  #13 
DS went through this between 12 and 16 and then he seemed to get better but now at 19 (almost 20) the attitude is back.  Now he is trying to find himself as an adult and thinks that I shouldn't ask questions about his life or I get attitude back.  I don't put up with it but he still tries. [smile]
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dancedaughters

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Reply with quote  #14 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2Girls
I hear you! My DD11 has always been like that, though it seems to be getting better. Nerves turn her into a diva. Like you, it is three full weeks of my life a year (from 3:30-9/10pm nightly) and when it feels like they don't appreciate it...yikes. (I know it isn't actually a lack of appreciation, but it can feel that way.) We are headed into one such week for the spring ballet, followed by a week off, followed by another long week for recital. Ugh.


She complains to you because you're her mother and she loves and trusts you.  That's a good thing.  I definitely think it's a good idea to help her adjust her attitude and think more positively, but I wouldn't scold her for her attitude.  It's okay for her to have those feelings, and I think you probably would prefer that she share them with you rather than clam up.
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Mom2Girls

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Reply with quote  #15 
Quote:
Originally Posted by dancedaughters
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2Girls
I hear you! My DD11 has always been like that, though it seems to be getting better. Nerves turn her into a diva. Like you, it is three full weeks of my life a year (from 3:30-9/10pm nightly) and when it feels like they don't appreciate it...yikes. (I know it isn't actually a lack of appreciation, but it can feel that way.) We are headed into one such week for the spring ballet, followed by a week off, followed by another long week for recital. Ugh.


She complains to you because you're her mother and she loves and trusts you.  That's a good thing.  I definitely think it's a good idea to help her adjust her attitude and think more positively, but I wouldn't scold her for her attitude.  It's okay for her to have those feelings, and I think you probably would prefer that she share them with you rather than clam up.


My daughter can complain to me all she wants. That's not what I am referring to when I say she turns into a diva.
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Mittenmom3

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Reply with quote  #16 
Quote:
Originally Posted by heidi459
I remember when dd, now 15, was all over the place with her moods and attitudes.  My running joke was "Stick that personality back in your back pocket and pull out another one". She now uses that same line on her younger brothers when they start to irritate her.  

This too shall pass.


Lol! I like that line. I might steal it when we go thru this again on June 18th during the recital dress rehearsal. [smile]
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Mittenmom3

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Reply with quote  #17 
Quote:
Originally Posted by cynmckee
Puberty...ain't it grand?


Ha! Oh it's just peachy [smile] it is comforting to know the problem is universal though.
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Mittenmom3

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Reply with quote  #18 
Thanks for the replies all. Ah the wonders of the early teen years. The performances are now done and went very well. Not a peep of an attitude from dd13 since her mini meltdown at dress rehearsal. It's good to know that this fun stage will pass in a couple of years.
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mom2rb

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Reply with quote  #19 
DS and I just played our last game of "Will you put on my makeup? No you're doing it wrong, that's enough, fine I will ask one of the girls to help me."  We also play it with hair gel and the last year "Did I do a good job shaving?"

I think that him having me to whine to me calms him down before he performs. He had his final performance last night. Maybe I will watch him put on him make over Skype, so that we can play when he is in college?
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tappinmom

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Reply with quote  #20 
Thank god DS never wore make up so we didn't have to go through that but getting his hair done roperly was always a fight.
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