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lilyzdancemom

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My dd is a senior on her school's varsity team. All the dancers are in 3 large group dances.
There are 3 small groups. The coach said EVERY dancer would be in at least one.
DD is not in any, except as an understudy for one. I don't think that counts, do you?
To add insult to injury, two apprentices (not really on the team) were picked above her. She's the only senior not picked.
She's not the strongest dancer but she tries very hard and meets all class requirements. I feel it's wrong to tell her she gets a dance and then doesn't.
The team is also very cliquey and now she will be more isolated. 
Also they practice in class a lot so she will just be sitting there watching everyone else dance.
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tendumom

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Reply with quote  #2 
Has she spoken to the coach? Perhaps it is an oversight?
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tendumom

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Also.... if she wants to prove herself as an understudy, she should be dancing on the side somewhere, out of the formations. Not just watching. She should make herself the understudy for everything. However, most important, she needs to speak up and talk to the coach.
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lilyzdancemom

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The coach is out of town. My daughter has emailed her.
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joriebelle

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Oh dear I'm sorry.  [frown]  Let us know what the coach says.  The coach shouldn't have said everyone would be in a group if she didn't mean it.  Hopefully it was a mistake.  
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dmjrm4

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Reply with quote  #6 
Any updates?
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lilyzdancemom

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Reply with quote  #7 
I have a meeting with her on Monday.
Very upset that she never even answered DD's email or tried to pull her aside and talk to her. This has made her feel invisible. She's always enjoyed dance but now that has dimmed and she's scared of the coach now.
The coach addressed the whole team saying that she said everyone would be INVOLVED in a dance - not all picked. DD and her teammates say she did NOT say that. I think she's covering her ass.
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gandalf

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Reply with quote  #8 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyzdancemom
The coach is out of town. My daughter has emailed her.

Life lesson for DD, emails are too easily dismissed. For situations like this, a personal sit-down is nevessary
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Jacaranda

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Reply with quote  #9 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyzdancemom
I have a meeting with her on Monday.
Very upset that she never even answered DD's email or tried to pull her aside and talk to her. This has made her feel invisible. She's always enjoyed dance but now that has dimmed and she's scared of the coach now.
The coach addressed the whole team saying that she said everyone would be INVOLVED in a dance - not all picked. DD and her teammates say she did NOT say that. I think she's covering her ass.


Wow, I wonder what being "involved" in a dance means, if they are not in it or not choreographing it.
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lilyzdancemom

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Update- meeting with the coach tomorrow. I have been ill and haven't been able to go.
my daughter has tried to talk to her- she has been brushed off repeatedly. That's why I'm going with her to meet with the coach. So we will both be talking to her.
Believe me, this has been going on since last year and that's why I'm finally getting involved.
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Beccasmom

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Good luck!
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my2miracles

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Reply with quote  #12 
Good luck!  I'm a proponent of helping our children until they are adults (and even after no one needs to go through life handling things all on there own btd that have the scars).  It's very intimidating for a young person to stand up to a 30-50 year old teacher.  So I think you are doing the right thing!
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lilyzdancemom

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Reply with quote  #13 
Spoke to the coach yesterday. She maintains that she didn't say everyone would be in one of the small dances but would be involved. She told me that being an understudy is very important- yeah, right! the teacher and student choreographer both watch the auditions and pick who will be in the dances but the last one she didn't even watch[rolleyes]
Apparently she never thought of my DD as being "left out". I explained to her how it really affected her self esteem and she seemed to finally get it.
After a lot of back pedaling and apologizing on her part, I told her that DD would want to speak to her.
So after rehearsal she talked with her and basically told her the same things she told me. The coach told her she really appreciated her doing such a good job learning the dance even though she's disappointed to just be an understudy.
It's about what I expected.
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dave9988

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Reply with quote  #14 
Her first year on this team or is she a veteran?
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joriebelle

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Reply with quote  #15 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyzdancemom
Spoke to the coach yesterday. She maintains that she didn't say everyone would be in one of the small dances but would be involved. She told me that being an understudy is very important- yeah, right! the teacher and student choreographer both watch the auditions and pick who will be in the dances but the last one she didn't even watch[rolleyes]
Apparently she never thought of my DD as being "left out". I explained to her how it really affected her self esteem and she seemed to finally get it.
After a lot of back pedaling and apologizing on her part, I told her that DD would want to speak to her.
So after rehearsal she talked with her and basically told her the same things she told me. The coach told her she really appreciated her doing such a good job learning the dance even though she's disappointed to just be an understudy.
It's about what I expected.


How did your DD feel after the meeting?  These coaches/SO always try to tell you what you want to hear - being an alternate is important, just keep working harder, etc.  I think it's lousy that she couldn't find a spot for your DD so she wouldn't be the only one not in a dance.
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Noel

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Reply with quote  #16 
joribelle's statement about always telling you what you want to hear sounds so very very familiar. I'm going to throw this out there... when deciding if the program your child is attending is one of quality and worth your time and financial investment, ask yourself if they ever follow through when these conversations take place. That was one of my first clues that we were in a program that just was not going to work for us. SO would say one thing, but nothing ever seemed to actually materialize. Some trivial things would happen (she would recommend a private lesson to address ALL complaints and those would get scheduled, surprise surprise $$$$$$ ) but bigger issues  nothing ever changed. At first I attributed it to the "coaches" but I later learned that it was really a buck that stopped with the SO. Her coaches were really just doing (or not doing) exactly what she wanted (or didn't) but she would go on and on about how she'd make things right. 

Interestingly enough, and I believe I've said this before, she couldn't keep her stories straight by the time I decided we'd had our last "chat"... discussed solutions for complaints that I never made, but I knew who did because they'd shared their complaints with me. She was so delusional about what a good problem solver she was that she couldn't even be bothered to remember which parent she was talking to. (possibly because the issues were all very similar)

Anyway, yes, be wary of promises made with no follow through.
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lilyzdancemom

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Reply with quote  #17 
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Her first year on this team or is she a veteran?


She spent freshman and sophomore year on JV team, junior year and this year as a senior on Varsity. 
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lilyzdancemom

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Reply with quote  #18 
Quote:
joribelle's statement about always telling you what you want to hear sounds so very very familiar. I'm going to throw this out there... when deciding if the program your child is attending is one of quality and worth your time and financial investment, ask yourself if they ever follow through when these conversations take place.


This is a school dance team so it's not really a financial investment. As far as time goes, it's not really worth it. It's just that it's her senior year and she has been part of a school dance team since 3rd grade.
However, if she's not in a small group piece for the Spring show she'll be quitting. With everything we're doing to get her ready for college it's not worth her time. She could be working or taking more community college classes instead.
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prancer

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Reply with quote  #19 
I would let her take the lead on deciding what she wants to do. This is an unpleasant situation. She might decide to stay and enjoy her teammates and social opportunities, or she might decide to use her time elsewhere. No matter what, remind her of her worth outside of high school dance. Team sports in high school should be about fun and involvement. You mentioned this was hurting her self esteem. If she isn’t bouncing back, or if she is only finding it uncomfortable, maybe she would be happier leaving. I definitely wish her well in her decision.
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Dancinandlovinit

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Reply with quote  #20 
My daughter is also a senior on her school's dance team (it's song/pom at her school). They have two competition routines and each routine has 2 or 3 alternates. The same thing as an understudy I suppose. They rehearse kind of next to the formation if they are not needed. However, we have had so many injuries, and always seem to, that the alternates are almost always utilized. And I believe that it's harder to be an alternate honestly because they have to be prepared to step in for ANYONE at a moment's notice. 

Our first competition is tomorrow (and it's 2 am and I'm still up! Just finished rhinestoning [crazy]) and we have two alternates performing tomorrow in each dance. And this is only comp #1. 

Keep us updated!
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Jinkerbelle

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Reply with quote  #21 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyzdancemom


This is a school dance team so it's not really a financial investment. As far as time goes, it's not really worth it. It's just that it's her senior year and she has been part of a school dance team since 3rd grade.
However, if she's not in a small group piece for the Spring show she'll be quitting. With everything we're doing to get her ready for college it's not worth her time. She could be working or taking more community college classes instead.

Last year my DD was on her school team and it was most definitely a financial investment! The junior high team parents shelled out approximately $6,000 last year, JV approximately $7,500, and Varsity about $10,000.....plus we did a ton of fundraising on top of that!
How is your DD’s Varsity school team not really an investment? Do you not have to pay for warm ups, costumes, team clothing, cross training, trips to nationals, etc?
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lilyzdancemom

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Reply with quote  #22 
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How is your DD’s Varsity school team not really an investment? Do you not have to pay for warm ups, costumes, team clothing, cross training, trips to nationals, etc?


I think we're more of a performing company than a team. We do buy warm ups (but she already has them from last year), team clothing (only about $100), no cross training or nationals.

They do pep rally, two all county shows, two shows at their school, a trip to NY and States but that's all. Costumes are owned by the school or the girls might have to buy a couple things off the rack for the rest. So it's not that much compared to comp dance.

It's not song and dance or poms, just dance.
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Jinkerbelle

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Reply with quote  #23 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyzdancemom


I think we're more of a performing company than a team. We do buy warm ups (but she already has them from last year), team clothing (only about $100), no cross training or nationals.

They do pep rally, two all county shows, two shows at their school, a trip to NY and States but that's all. Costumes are owned by the school or the girls might have to buy a couple things off the rack for the rest. So it's not that much compared to comp dance.

It's not song and dance or poms, just dance.

Wow that is so different than what I am used to! Thanks for explaining it is interesting to see how different it is all over. Does your school team compete through UDA or anything like that? All three of our teams compete two categories at UDA regionals (3 or 4 a year) and then UDA nationals in Orlando at ESPN. They do pep assemblies and games as well, but it was kinda sticker shock for me the first year... was thinking school dance had to be cheaper than studio! Not so! Lol
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NCKDAD

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Reply with quote  #24 
Holy Cow the school dance teams are nothing like that financially in our area. And quite frankly they suck. The performing arts school has a beautiful dance program but they aren’t a team and it’s a minimal financial investment ($35 I think, and volunteer hours)
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