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PointeMom

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Reply with quote  #1 
Hi all. I’m new here but thought I could reach out for opinions or just vent some frustrations. We’ve been at our studio entering our 10th year now. We’ve been through two studio owners and a few changes. Most everything was typical stuff until spring of this year. Girls in dd’s comp group were being mean to others and the group had definite separation. Classes were spent listening to the teacher be frustrated with them because same girls were not practicing, caring or working hard enough. 3 girls ended up just never coming back after 2nd comp and 3rd girl stayed through nationals. Their dances had to be redone at least 3 times. They worked so hard and ended up with a national 1st place award which they deserved. Back a little now, SO gave birth night before recital and has seemed to give up since then. She was pretty much just existing at nationals. No motivation to the dancers, no team feel or Dance family feel. Didn’t run their dances and when parents had the girls run them she got pissed. Didn’t even reach out to any of us upon arrival to say yay we’re here and let’s do a group photo. Just so sad all around. Now starting the new season the SO told my daughter her solo would “definitely start before classes begin”. My daughter is very serious about working and takes people’s word seriously. Well, for the third year in a town my daughter started solo just two weeks ago. Starting at this time isn’t what bothers me or her but it’s the broken word of the SO who is also her choreographer. Also now the SO has stepped back a lot and is no longer teaching technique classes and is only doing one choreography class a week with them. So they work with 3 other teachers all week on technique and SO wants control over just their dances. This year my daughter wanted to try a different teacher/choreographer for solo. She said that this teacher brought more emotion and strength out of her. So I did what many other parents have done and emailed a request to move/try another teacher. Any other person that asked had been granted to move over but not us. So I requested a meeting (which in all my years of being there have NEVER done) with SO and was told it’s not how things are done and students don’t get to choose. I was shocked and asked why others got to move and she lied and said it doesn’t happen. I then brought up all the names of who did and she just stared at me. Then told me solo could start that week and gave 2 time options. I replied to the email she sent with those options choosing one and my DD showed up and told my daughter she didn’t get my email (she ended up telling she she didn’t check her email - it had been two days) and was not prepared and couldn’t do it (even though she told DD earlier that week that she had two song choices for her). So it makes me think the SO lies about having songs because wouldn’t they be on her laptop if she said she had them picked? We’ve both lost trust/faith in her from so many letdowns. I always read threads in here about students having different teachers for dances and picking out costumes. We have no choices at all and it’s so sad. My daughter is one of her best students and works so hard, holds a regional title under her and many high scoring routines under her. I really feel like this SO has lost desire to teach and still wants control though. DD and I have decided this will be our last year with this studio. Just such a sad start to a year that will hopefully improve.
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rubydancemom

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Reply with quote  #2 
I feel like when you've reached the level that you have to vent these (very valid) concerns, moving on is likely the best choice. Think about what she could do to regain your confidence. If she did it all, would she regain your confidence, or would there still be that nagging doubt that she's going to let you and your DD down again? We've always had studio issues. I think everyone does to some extent. The difference for us came when I realized I am the customer, and I do have the power to change things or walk away. This season looks very different from last season for us, and next season will look even more different. We take everything one season at a time, then make adjustments accordingly. So, my best advice to you is to decide what works for you and your DD, and if this SO isn't willing or able to meet that, find another studio. 
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LilMama

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Reply with quote  #3 
Sorry that things don't go well at your studio. All S/D/T are offer basis at our studio, it's basically you get what you get and you don't get upset kind of situation. Let it be the choreographer, teacher, genre or costume. Hope things will turn out better for your DD!
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Noel

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Reply with quote  #4 
Personal experience was that once a SO gets comfortable telling you whatever you want to hear to your face during the meeting (or via  e mail) then doing whatever they feel like in reality, you're in trouble. There's nothing you can do when one half of the relationship is comfortable treating you in a way that you don't feel good about. Lying, misleading, treating some people one way then you another then lying about it... whatever it may be, the relationship is in trouble.

Once you've done the work to speak up, ask for what you feel is reasonable, and you've received poor treatment it's really up to you. SO has shown you what she is willing to do for you and you're not happy. If you stay, you are knowingly accepting continued poor treatment at least some of the time. If that's not acceptable, move on.

We are paying customers, they provide a service. If you had this much back and forth with say, your hair dresser or mechanic, you wouldn't think twice, you'd switch.

I'm a big fan of cutting a new mom some slack, but business is business and it sounds like she's not holding up her end of the bargain any longer.
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ballerinamom13

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Reply with quote  #5 
Why do you stay??  Do you not have other options?  I'd take my money and run out the door.
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PointeMom

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Reply with quote  #6 
Thank you for the support. It’s just so sad that it’s come to this after so many years. We’ve really enjoyed our years here until the past several months.maybe we got too comfortable too. Great things can come from change: It will definitely be our last year. We both look forward to what is ahead and to new adventures.
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RebelSwan

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Reply with quote  #7 
This doesn't add much, but I've seen SO/teachers "hoard" the best dancers.   They refuse to let the best ones have a different choreographer.  Somehow they are either too emotionally attached to their protege or maybe know that whatever they give the best students will make them look good.  Usually life changes A LOT after bringing home a baby (especially if it's a 2nd one).  She is likely too proud to admit she has taken off more than she can handle. 

Still.... I don't think I'd be sticking around to find out.
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NCKDAD

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Reply with quote  #8 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RebelSwan
This doesn't add much, but I've seen SO/teachers "hoard" the best dancers.   They refuse to let the best ones have a different choreographer.  Somehow they are either too emotionally attached to their protege or maybe know that whatever they give the best students will make them look good.  Usually life changes A LOT after bringing home a baby (especially if it's a 2nd one).  She is likely too proud to admit she has taken off more than she can handle. 

Still.... I don't think I'd be sticking around to find out.


YES! Our SO just has some kids she won’t let go of... and I’d love my daughter to get a chance to work with someone else but we get told style and choreographer and that’s that...
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tappinmom

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Reply with quote  #9 
Both studios s/d/t were invite only and you got told discipline, teacher, music and costume.  No choice at all.

As far a the SO's behavior I would be having real trust issues with her right about now and looking for the door.
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ggsmith

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Reply with quote  #10 
Noel made excellent points, and I have only a little to add.

It sounds to me like this relationship has passed the point of possible repair.  You sound "done."  Your daughter's team was able to readjust to the loss of three dancers over the course of last season and still rise to the occasion at nationals.  Why put yourself through 9 more months of misery?  You could spend the next 9 months taking masterclasses, conventions, trying classes at various studios, concentrating on ballet training, or any number of things that would probably cost a lot less than you are prepared to pay for this year's competition season.  You could design a training program that fits exactly what your dancer wants and needs over the rest of the year while scoping out and meeting with a possible team for next year, or going in a different direction with dance or another activity.  Life is too short to be miserable because some studio owner has things going on in her life that she feels justify taking your money and treating you and your family badly.  Just something to think about.
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PastrySugar

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Reply with quote  #11 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ggsmith
Noel made excellent points, and I have only a little to add.

It sounds to me like this relationship has passed the point of possible repair.  You sound "done."  Your daughter's team was able to readjust to the loss of three dancers over the course of last season and still rise to the occasion at nationals.  Why put yourself through 9 more months of misery?  You could spend the next 9 months taking masterclasses, conventions, trying classes at various studios, concentrating on ballet training, or any number of things that would probably cost a lot less than you are prepared to pay for this year's competition season.  You could design a training program that fits exactly what your dancer wants and needs over the rest of the year while scoping out and meeting with a possible team for next year, or going in a different direction with dance or another activity.  Life is too short to be miserable because some studio owner has things going on in her life that she feels justify taking your money and treating you and your family badly.  Just something to think about.
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Granny

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Reply with quote  #12 
That sure is a lot of unnecessary detail! The studio with a procession of teachers (and one with a newborn?...) does not sound very professional. 

With your daughter being so motivated and reaching such a high level, it sounds like it's time to step up her game. I don't know if you have national ballet schools as we do in Canada, but that may be what is best for her if she is that serious and talented. You don't mention her age but would she be prepared to board at such a school, (if at audition, she is accepted) if there isn't one locally? And would you be prepared to put her through such an experience?

There was one phenomenal dancer in my daughter's studio (who today is a world class prima ballerina) and her mother moved with her daughter to NYC from Montreal when she was 10 to work with top teachers in a renowned school. When the teacher took her on, she told her, "No more competitions for a year!". And she worked on technique, technique, technique.

If I had a child who was talented like Maddie Ziegler, Brynn, Elliana, Lilliana etc..on Dance Moms, I would do what it takes to help them succeed as dancers. 

If ballet is not her genre, there must be studios that are a step up from the local schools whose sole goal is to prepare for competition..and make money. If your daughter is entering her teens, her motivation could change. If she is already in her mid teens and she is still hung ho, that augurs well for the future. I say 'move' or all this could affect your daughter motivation and future success. 
Good Luck!

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BCdancemom

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Reply with quote  #13 
Sounds pretty awful!
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