Registered: 1329777812 Posts: 1,330
Reply with quote #26
They now have a sequel to the Care and Keeping of You, too. Good investment. My DD would study it, lol.
Registered: 1394807833 Posts: 1,073
Reply with quote #27
Originally Posted by
disneymom2two Sorry, I was switching back and forth between messageboards (this one and a nondance, parenting one that has a tendency to be very debatey) and obviously forgot which one I was on; I'm posting on a danceboard - of course, she's active. I didn't realize which I'd posted on until just now when I was checking to see if there were any new posts on the boards. Anyway, with kids who had traumatic pasts, it's hard to know what is typical but may be concerning of a child and what is related to their past. Are you on any adoption boards? I'm on several messageboards for adoption from China. They can great info resources. I'd talk to my doctor if I was worried and then maybe ask for a referral to a psychologist with experience with kids who have been adopted in case the issue is related to her past. First I want to say that you sound like a great mom and you want to do what's best for your child. 2nd I want to say while your dd had a traumatic past, she was only 16 months old at the time. She's had many years of love and care since then. While not adopted, my dd had a traumatic past with her bio dad some of which continued until she was 5 (the American legal system is a sore subject with me). At 14, she doesn't remember any of it and is a happy, healthy well adjusted teenager (yes there is such a thing lol). Probably in better shape than most of her friends. As a parent, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to her. But I've also come to realize that she doesn't feel that I need to. I understand your worry and your desire to give her a perfect life but you need to realize that you already have. Kids are super, super resilient. She's doing fine mamma. Relax and enjoy the ride.
Registered: 1310398021 Posts: 5,791
Reply with quote #28
Originally Posted by
Thank you for all your responses. My concern is her deprived past affecting her. Up until this year she could never get enough to drink. Always thirsty and drinking water. People told me I should have her checked for diabetes. Her regular check ups were all fine though. Last year at the age of 7 she started with bad armpit odor. 7! She uses a natural deodorant. She's also budding so I'm sure she started the whole puberty process.
My friend and husband think she has a self control issue not necessarily a food issue. This is a bit scary but I think she will be fine. She likes to follow the rules at dance and school and seems to have more emotional intelligence than either of her older brothers.
She and I are very close and cuddle a lot and talk.
I will wait and see in the next year if her food desires escalate to determine if we should bring her somewhere.
I forgot to mention that she also asks for food when she's bored.
my husband and I remind her of what she just ate and tell her boredom is not a reason to eat.
My parents were very carefree raising me and mr siblings. Too much. I'm trying to find the balance of letting her grow up to become independent while also being involved and knowing what she's up to.
She is very independent!
I'd be concerned about signs or early puberty and her short stature. I have a friend who's daughter had similar (pretty identical) symptoms and she was diagnosed with a pituitary tumor. I'd at least talk to the pediatrician about it
Registered: 1247159640 Posts: 1,866
Reply with quote #29
I sat down with both my girls and read Care and Keeping of You cover to cover! Excellent book and reference. But I do recommend reading it with your daughter (make it a mommy-daughter moment for 10 minutes each night) rather than handing it to her to read herself!
As far as the healthy relationship with food, I keep tons of healthy choices and some "fun/unhealthy" choices available. Even at 17 and 14, the unhealthy choices seem to be chosen first, but the healthy choices are more frequently requested when I need to restock.
High Platinum Member
Registered: 1204570995 Posts: 3,912
Reply with quote #30
Reading your DD's story reminded me so much of my childhood best friend. She was adopted at age 4 not from another country, but from an absolute house of horrors here in the US. Her adoptive parents are absolutely amazing people and got her appropriate psychiatric help for what has been a lifelong issue of hoarding food.
If it were not for the background issue of food deprivation in your DD's very early life, I would probably think that you were worrying too much. But after seeing what my friend went through as a young child, and still struggles with today, I think it is something that you want to keep your eye on. What troubled me was the fact that you said she would ask other people for food, and that she continues to eat even when she acknowledges that she is full. Yes, most 8 year olds will go for the cookies when given the choice between sweets and fruit, including all three of my own kids at that age. But going to the neighbors and asking for the cookies, and needing to have snacks available at all times even when she is not hungry, could possibly be signs of lingering PTSD. If it was me I would mention it to the pediatrician, not in front of your DD. I would be careful to avoid making too many references to food, weight, etc. as you could inadvertently contribute to an issue by over-mentioning it. And if you are seeing any other signs of PTSD I would also let the pediatrician know about those as well. A lot of early childhood behavior patterns are formed between birth and age 2, so it is not entirely out of the ordinary for an eating disorder or PTSD to be triggered by experiences prior to age 16 months.
Registered: 1433531523 Posts: 441
Reply with quote #31
If it were me I'd ask her pediatrician about it. Both my kids have eaten things to the point of nausea before, but they don't do it on a regular basis. Is this a regular thing for your DD? If so, I would worry. The sneaking would bother me, too, but we have junk at our house. It just doesn't get eaten until the real food has been eaten