Register Calendar Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment  
jazzminesun81

Gold Member
Registered:
Posts: 457
Reply with quote  #1 
Last October, DD7 (who was 6 at the time) was moved to the intermediate aerial class from the beginner class, which meant that she performed in recital last week. When I moved her, one of the little girls who did not get moved and is older than DD complained to DD that it should have been her because she was older. Before DD could respond, DD's friend who is in the intermediate class and on team with her said DD was moved because she can do things that most people can't do, herself included (DD is so flexible, some of the teachers call her Gumby). DD and I have been fending off other incidents by shrugging and telling whoever is asking to ask the teacher. Is there a better way to handle this? Now that recital is over and I've heard there was a lot of bitterness backstage from older girls who did not place, I get the feeling we'll be going through all this again[frown] BTW, the girls who are actually in the class with DD were all really happy for her and have been really supportive, and their parents have been really great, too. Once in the class, I could see why she placed there as she can do everything the other girls can do.


0
tendumom

Avatar / Picture

High Platinum Member
Registered:
Posts: 4,114
Reply with quote  #2 
Dd has been on both sides of this throughout the years.  She's been the one who wasn't moved up and she's been the one who was moved up. She was never quite as young as your dd when she encountered this, though. She was probably 9 the first time. I did not see it coming, but others did. Her whole team was broken up into 3 different levels. Dd was one of a few who were moved up 2 levels. The first time it was easy to handle. While she continued dancing there through the summer, she went elsewhere in the fall. That was easy and is not exactly a recommended technique for handling the jealousy! LOL. The next time it happened, it was dd who was not moved up at a ballet school while her very talented friend was. 

Anyway, I've never understood why a child or a parent (have seen that one too!) would ask another child why that child was moved up. If there is a question to be asked, the question should be directed towards the teacher or SO in the form of "what do *I* need to do to be moved up?" I think it is common sense that the person to ask about moving up would be the teacher and not another child or parent. I would continue to do what you are doing. Refer anyone with a question to the DT or SO.
0
jazzminesun81

Gold Member
Registered:
Posts: 457
Reply with quote  #3 
Thank you! I have to admit that when they asked to move her, I asked the teacher, "Are you sure? You do know she's only 6, right?" And I'm her mom lol. I can only imagine what other people must be thinking. I'm not a dancer and never have been, though, so I rarely question DD's placement and would never think of questioning anyone else's placement. Attendance maybe, lol, since DD seems to dance with invisible partners a lot in her core classes because team and rec all take the same classes and rec kids often miss class, but never placement.
0
Psmom

Avatar / Picture

Diamond Member
Registered:
Posts: 5,790
Reply with quote  #4 
I second referring them to the teacher. At your dd's age I'm assuming by older you still mean little girls. Little girls aren't going to process this the way you want. They still believe in fairy tales. Just keep that in mind and try to be sensitive to their bruised feelings. Your dd will likely have her turn at feeling overlooked at some point too.
0
mcshells

High Gold Member
Registered:
Posts: 664
Reply with quote  #5 
I wouldn't worry about it. It's common. Our studio is fairly cut and dry in that there is a set requirement to be in each level...a certain set of skills and it is provided to the kids. Plus, there is an emphasis on what parents/kids think "getting" a skill is vs what is technically proper.

For the most part - kids move up together. It's the teacher's job to prepare the class for the next level of requirements. But every year there will be one or two who don't and one or two who skip levels. Always good for some drama if you pay attention. i choose not to.
0
tappinmom

Avatar / Picture

Double Diamond Member
Registered:
Posts: 13,289
Reply with quote  #6 
I think even at your DD age she can address the situation with the other girls by just responding "that it is all up to the DT and maybe they should ask her" and leave it at that.  Same advice for you.  Most people are willing to complain except to the person they should be compalining to.

We had a mom who was always incredibly jealous of DS because he came to the studio at 9 and her daughter had been there since she was 2.  He was automatically placed in all the comp routines she wanted her daughter in and that she didn't qualify for.  She made comments to me andd to him and we always responded with "You would need to ask Miss X about that".  The biggest one was when she wanted her DD to be a DT trainee and she wasn't chosen but DS was.  She cornered me wanting to know what the requirements were and why did they pick DS.  I once again told her "Talk to the SO".  She never did even once.  She just sat back and stewed until she was miserable and made her DD miserable and left the studio.
0
Mom2Girls

Platinum Member
Registered:
Posts: 1,605
Reply with quote  #7 
As long as there are class placements there will be jealousy. Dd11 has usually been the one to move up ahead of peers, so I have dealt with my fair share of this crap, but honestly, it is more often than not the moms who can't handle it, not the kids. Sometimes an older girl will resent my dd being in her class, but mostly it is not something the kids spend too much time complaining about. 
0
mcshells

High Gold Member
Registered:
Posts: 664
Reply with quote  #8 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2Girls
As long as there are class placements there will be jealousy. Dd11 has usually been the one to move up ahead of peers, so I have dealt with my fair share of this crap, but honestly, it is more often than not the moms who can't handle it, not the kids. Sometimes an older girl will resent my dd being in her class, but mostly it is not something the kids spend too much time complaining about. Dd11 just finished up year one in a level that nobody escapes in fewer than two years. I am looking forward to a drama free placement this year!


Totally - I find it is usually the moms who care about it and not the kids. And the kids who care, care because of their moms. Vicious circle that one! 

Or, the kids will care if the new kid has a bad attitude and doesn't try to 'mesh' with the group. We have had new kids added in and sometimes it is seamless and other times the kid comes in with an "i'm so good" attitude that doesn't fly.
0
ChelleB70

Avatar / Picture

High Gold Member
Registered:
Posts: 723
Reply with quote  #9 
This is when I think the dt or whoever made the decision to move her up needs to get involved and nip it in the bud.  We had a situation kind of like last season with our older company girls.  Whoever made the decision needs to address the group as a whole and say "this was MY decision and if you have a problem with it come to me.  However, I will tell you privately what I'm telling you all here.  It's my decision, it was based on skill level (or fill in the blank) and you may not like it but if you're going to be on the team (or in the class) you need to live with it".  Period. 

If you can't tell I'm really tired of all the unnecessary girl drama. LOL  It causes way too much friction and is bad for the team.  On another note...I'm so glad to hear of kids defending others.  It truly warms my heart.
0
Mittenmom3

Platinum Member
Registered:
Posts: 1,021
Reply with quote  #10 
I've btdt on both sides many times. We just finished a drama season and it is so exhausting. I think you're handling things perfectly. Defer to the DT. Clearly your dd is in the right level based on skill.
0
jeanne4379

Avatar / Picture

Triple Diamond Member
Registered:
Posts: 17,938
Reply with quote  #11 
Always refer them to the teacher and or the SO.  Be polite and firm.  The professionals have been dealing with this kind of thing for umpteen years.  It is nice to hear that her classmates and their parents are supportive.  That will help in the long run.
0
emcandance

Avatar / Picture

High Gold Member
Registered:
Posts: 646
Reply with quote  #12 
At every studio you will find parents who will get their nickers in an uproar for many things.  You just have to take them in strides!
0
Ashsmom

Avatar / Picture

Gold Member
Registered:
Posts: 382
Reply with quote  #13 
Yes I agree with the others. We have a lot of the same issue that goes on in our studio with the younger team members. 
0
jazzminesun81

Gold Member
Registered:
Posts: 457
Reply with quote  #14 
Thanks, everyone! I'm glad we're doing the right thing in this awkward situation. 

It seems like this is starting to die down on it's own. Now that we're in summer session, some of the complainers were taking the beginner aerial while DD was in ballet/jazz. After class, they were complaining about how hard aerial is and saying that DD's class made it look easy. They are now nicer to DD, now that they've tried to do it themselves and realized it's hard lol.
0
dave9988

Avatar / Picture

High Gold Member
Registered:
Posts: 660
Reply with quote  #15 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2Girls
As long as there are class placements there will be jealousy. Dd11 has usually been the one to move up ahead of peers, so I have dealt with my fair share of this crap, but honestly, it is more often than not the moms who can't handle it, not the kids. Sometimes an older girl will resent my dd being in her class, but mostly it is not something the kids spend too much time complaining about. 


Yup.

I've also asked whether the teacher was sure, my DD is so young, can she really physically handle this class she's being moved up into, is it safe for her?  The teacher re-assured us.

And I've seen a couple of other moms complain and whine and push to have their DDs moved up, sometimes at odd times when no others are moving.  And then color me shocked when their dancer sustains an injury. 
0
intdancemom

Avatar / Picture

Silver Member
Registered:
Posts: 84
Reply with quote  #16 
ugh!  I feel your pain.  DD10 is always coming under fire for everything she gets.  It is really ridiculous.  I don't have a great answer for you because we always seem to find ourself in exactly the situation you are in.  I just ignore them or pretend to play dumb like I have no idea what's going on or that DD was the only one moved up.  Like everyone says really the only thing you can do is refer them to the SO/DT.  Last year one of DD10's teammate told the SO it was fine if she wasn't allowed to do her competition solo at the recital as long as my DD wasn't allowed to do her's.  Never mind that DD had earned the solo slot in the recital with the highest placement all year long and had outscored the other child at every competition. The parents are definitely the worst of it though.  SO doesn't allow DD10 to do her solo anymore unless the studio is empty, because the complaining of the parents who constantly compare drives her crazy! If nothing else I guess at least our kids learn what true friends look like ... 
0
jazzminesun81

Gold Member
Registered:
Posts: 457
Reply with quote  #17 
Quote:
Originally Posted by intdancemom
ugh!  I feel your pain.  DD10 is always coming under fire for everything she gets.  It is really ridiculous.  I don't have a great answer for you because we always seem to find ourself in exactly the situation you are in.  I just ignore them or pretend to play dumb like I have no idea what's going on or that DD was the only one moved up.  Like everyone says really the only thing you can do is refer them to the SO/DT.  Last year one of DD10's teammate told the SO it was fine if she wasn't allowed to do her competition solo at the recital as long as my DD wasn't allowed to do her's.  Never mind that DD had earned the solo slot in the recital with the highest placement all year long and had outscored the other child at every competition. The parents are definitely the worst of it though.  SO doesn't allow DD10 to do her solo anymore unless the studio is empty, because the complaining of the parents who constantly compare drives her crazy! If nothing else I guess at least our kids learn what true friends look like ... 


OMG that's so crazy. The nice thing is that this has kind of bonded DD with one of her teammates. She and one of the other girls skipped level 1, and the older girls who are not on team with them but in the same class were picking on them for a while and saying DD and her friend had no right to be there. Then she, the other girl who skipped, and the rest of the team girls in the classes formed kind of a posse where they defend each other until the older girls got the hint and left them alone. It kind of stinks that it drew a bit of a wall between team and rec girls in that class but it's nice that the girls are bonding and looking out for one another. Our girls also watch out for the other girls that these older girls are picking on.

This is why I just worry about what my dancer is doing and don't think about what the other ones are doing lol.
0
joriebelle

Avatar / Picture

Platinum Member
Registered:
Posts: 1,326
Reply with quote  #18 
Some people are never happy and have to complain about everything.  The SO will hopefully take care of it and your daughter will keep focusing on herself.  It stinks when this happens but it happens everywhere, at every level.  You can't control how other people feel or what they do or say, you just teach your daughter to be kind to everyone and keep working hard and there's not much more you can do.  I hate when I hear stories like this though.  [frown]  
0
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.